It’s that age old horror story that sends shivers down the spines of collectors everywhere. The setting is a beautiful little neighborhood in an unidentified town. Here we find a man and a woman happily residing with their offspring. Everything is seemingly perfect, but Mom has an itch to scratch. She decides it’s time to clean house and get rid of all the “old junk” that “never gets used”. Enter our unsuspecting victims, over 30 vintage rock tees. As with all tales of this nature, Goodwill is involved - but we quickly learn this plot development is only a red herring. The weapons of choice turn out to be a pair of scissors and a sewing machine. Yes, you’ve just crossed over in to The Twilight Zone. 

08.31 UPDATE: When I first scribed this post I provided a link to the full story, but Christine over at the Living Cheap and Green blog deleted her entry. She probably got death threats for one of our readers. The moral of this story? The most environmentally friendly thing you can do with 30 vintage concert tees is to wear them (aka REUSE) not butcher them for a tacky bed quilt.

Having sold thousands of vintage tees over the years, I have also had my fair share of zero bid duds. The following list of 1980s concert tees are basically the least popular kids in old school. Shamefully, all the artists on this list are also Rock and Roll HOF inductees and two of them have even been knighted. Rock royalty, yes, but some of their shirts aren’t worth the poly-cotton they’re printed on. 

Elton John

Sir Elton (Hercules) John’s legendary career has spanned decades and resulted in numerous brilliant tracks. But when it comes to the popularity of the the Rocketman’s 80s merchandise, it’s more of a Sad Song. He’s still packing stadiums but his faithful fans are silver foxes who have far outgrown vintage fashion. How do I know this? Let’s just say I know a guy, in his early thirties, who went to one of his concerts last year. Look, I got free tickets, ok?

InducTEES: Jump Up Tour 1982

Paul McCartney

Sorry Paul, just because you are a legendary Beatle and member of Wings doesn’t mean all your vintage tees will fly. Enough said.

       InducTEES: The Paul McCartney World Tour 1989

Sting

If, for some reason, you stockpiled Sting’s 1980s solo schwag for investment purposes, you got stung. Sure, Sting had solo success and created a new fan base along the way; that’s because most Police fans bailed out and wouldn’t attend a Sting solo gig even if they were served with a warrant. After serving a 20+ year sentence in solitary confinement he realized it was time to get the band back together. If he busts them up again, hopefully he’ll exercise his right to remain silent.

InducTEES: Sting 1987 World Tour & Nothing Like The Sun 1988

Billy Joel 

Billy Joel’s current situation is very similar to Elton John’s: both have a legendary early career and a loyal fan base that holds the heydays close to their hearts. It’s no coincidence that Billy and Elton toured together in the mid ’90s - they have the same pre-geriatric fans. Billy does have somewhat of a cooler rock reputation since he’s dated a few uptown girls and was a poster boy for rocker rehab. But the lame latter part of his career doesn’t have anyone jonesing for his vintage tees.

InducTEES: Storm Front Tour 1989

Check out the 10 Worst Vintage Band Tees You Must Wear.

Additional info on vintage tees

Every two weeks we scour through eBay’s past auctions and report which relics are fetching the big bucks. Even more reasons to raid your granny’s closet.

To view the eBay listing or seller details, click the links below. 

1. Jean Jacket: Vintage 30s Lee Buckle Back $5048.00 sold by: greyergreengrr
2. Jersey: Vintage 30s Baseball Jersey & Jacket $1550.00 sold by: parentunderstress
3. Pants: Vintage 1900s Denim Trousers $950.00 sold by: theknotgarden
4. Shoes: Vintage 80s Nike Air Jordan 1 $621.22 sold by: hotchsneakers
5. Hat: Vintage 90s RL Polo Snow Beach $350.00 sold by: shaws114
6. Shirt: Vintage 80s Slayer Reign in Blood $343.99 sold by: yellowmanny

This week’s strange and unusual eBay item comes from the operator of a women’s vintage clothing store called MSFIRECRACKER’S VOGUE COLLECTION. For a mere $100,000 you can purchase a large quantity of her pin up clothes, dresses, coats and shoes. You can view the listing here. 

The listing is pretty scarce on details given the hefty price tag. One of my rules of thumb - if I’m going to drop $100,000 I’d like to see a photo…or two. What could she be thinking? The subtitle of the auction, “~BABY, I’M A STAR!~” provides a little insight and paves the way to the even bigger oddity.

Apparently MSFIRECRACKER has manufactured herself in to an eBay celebrity, if there is such a thing. She has posted over 170 videos to one of her youtube accounts, some of which appear directly in her listings. While on camera she parades around in vintage clothing, dances to suggestive music and usually ends up in a bikini, swinging around on a chair or wriggling around on a bed. These videos aren’t total amateur either, they’re all cut, edited, feature the odd special effect and are fused with everything from classical music to classic rock.

Rumour has it she’s been seen on the party circuit with both Smith and Pooter.

Alabama resident Brandon Gardner has more tees than China. His vast poly-cotton supply fuels a nifty little vintage t-shirt outfit called 8onRepeat. Some of the shirts are available through his eBay account; the rest he stashes away for a traveling shirt show that touches down at university campuses throughout the state.

The next event is on Monday August 25th at the University of Montevallo from 4-6pm.

Check out the video below for a mouth-watering glimpse of his inventory, then track him down through his MySpace page.

Each week we feature an interesting vintage tee that’s currently on the eBay auction block. Please feel free to link us if you create or discover an auction we might like.   

Description: Vintage Daniel Hechter Shirt OLYMPIC SWIMMING

Measurements: Size 42 - pit to pit is 18″ bottom of collar to bottom of shirt is 23-1/4″

Sold by: Naked*Planet

What the Seller Says:  Vintage rayon or poly - can’t tell (? - tag is missing) shirt by Daniel Hechter Paris, shirt made in France. It has a few problems, see the little hole and spot, which are on the back. 

What we Say: Male swimmers were once the only persons granted full immunity from the poor reputation of the tiny Speedo. Thank Neptune for the advent of the new swimsuits, now there’s absolutely no excuse for Speedo to continue producing the previous version.  Sure, this shirt features a woman swimmer, but by today’s olympic swimwear standards, it could be a gal or a guy. A neat little fact that makes this shirt a pretty cool topic of conversation at your next bottomless pool party. 

To view the auction click here.

As an ambassador of vintage t-shirts I always represent in one. What if, by some strange circumstance, the fate of the world relied on me wearing a brand new tee? This section is dedicated to the ones I would put on to save our planet. You’re welcome. 

This bar fight t-shirt by the Ames Bros is a knock-out design. It’s one of those images you can look at time and time again and discover something new. Like that one guy totally getting kneed in the nards. Take my word for it, save yourself the agony. This shirt is available at Anonymous Venice. It’s so cool it inspired me to create a list. 

The 10 Rules of a Bar Fight

1. Country Music is usually playing in the background, which is probably why people are so agitated in the first place. 

2. They almost always start during a card game when one player discovers another is cheating. Subsection a) card is usually found up a player’s sleeve.

3. Vintage pearl snap western shirts are preferred by bar fighters.

4. After the first punch is thrown everyone spontaneously begins fighting. Even people who were seemingly best friends prior and don’t even know why it started. The only exception to this rule is the bartender. 

5. Someone is always thrown on top of the bar and is then slid down length of it until they smash in to a display of liquor bottles and/or glassware.  

6. Someone’s head always goes through the jukebox, the record skips, and another one starts playing. 

7. If it’s a pre-jukebox bar fight then there’s always a piano player. He continues to play during the fight, until such time as someone is thrown across his keys. 

8. A half empty bottle, most likely whiskey, is always shattered over someone’s head. 

9. A table will always collapse when two wrestling fighters fall on it. A wooden chair or a pool cue will always break when smashed across someone’s back.

10. Patrick Swayze is the king of all bar fighters. 

This week’s strange and unusual eBay auction comes from the operator of an odds and ends collectibles store called Fancy Thangs.  It all began days ago when the proprietor of the store purchased a 1960s cooler from a dude at a garage sale. Here’s the kicker: dude’s leg was broken because he tripped over the cooler weeks earlier. All he wanted was to break off his relationship with it. The price tag is never disclosed in the auction details, but let’s assume it didn’t cost an arm and a broken leg. 

Once the cooler landed at its new home, it immediately started raising hell. It killed roses, freaked out the family dog and caused a big black ant infestation. The unhappy new owners investigated further and discovered the cooler had a manufacturing date of June 1966. If I have to spell it out for you, that’s, six six six. If you still don’t get it the cooler was born on 666. For god’s sake, pay attention, it’s the sign of the devil!

The Coleman company couldn’t ask for a better free celebrity endorsement. Who better to represent a product hell-bent on maintaining its cool than a being who hangs out in the extreme temperatures of hell.

The opening bid is $9.99, which is 66.6$ when rotated 180 degrees, which is the precise temperature of hell. And when I subtract the two I’m left with a number that has absolutely no relevance at all. Freaky.

To view the full auction click here.

Each week we feature an interesting vintage tee that’s currently on the eBay auction block. Please feel free to link us if you create or discover an auction we might like.   

Description: Vintage 70s Star Wars T-Shirt Large RARE

Measurements: 21 inches from pit to pit and 29.5 inches from top to bottom

Sold by: BeverlyHooligans

What the Seller Says: Excellent vintage condition.  It has scattered fading all over the shirt.  It has a pin sized hole at the bottom of the back.

What we Say: This is a gem. Definitely not your typical Star Wars logo, and no Lucas fine print - which makes it even better if you ask me. If it only sold for the opening bid I’d be more surprised than Luke was when Darth dished the details about his DNA. 

To view the auction click here.

Final Price: $300.00

Every two weeks we scour through eBay’s past auctions and report which relics are fetching the big bucks. Even more reasons to raid your granny’s closet.

1. Dress: Vintage 1960s Emilio Pucci Silk $1125.00 sold by: koko1954
2. Shirt: Vintage 1972 Rolling Stones Tour $374.99 sold by: ninnak_03
3. Track Suit: Vintage 1970s Fila Bjorn Borg $399.00 sold by: dxst2k
4. Hat: Vintage 1920s Beaded Cowboy $511.01 sold by: j-trail