Worst Shirts

The 1980s Vintage Rock Shirt Hall of Shame

Published on August 28, 2008

Having sold thousands of vintage tees over the years, I have also had my fair share of zero bid duds. The following list of 1980s concert tees are basically the least popular kids in old school. Shamefully, all the artists on this list are also Rock and Roll HOF inductees and two of them have even been knighted. Rock royalty, yes, but some of their shirts aren’t worth the poly-cotton they’re printed on.

Elton John

Sir Elton (Hercules) John’s legendary career has spanned decades and resulted in numerous brilliant tracks. But when it comes to the popularity of the the Rocketman’s 80s merchandise, it’s more of a Sad Song. He’s still packing stadiums but his faithful fans are silver foxes who have far outgrown vintage fashion. How do I know this? Let’s just say I know a guy, in his early thirties, who went to one of his concerts last year. Look, I got free tickets, ok?

InducTEES: Jump Up Tour 1982

Paul McCartney

Sorry Paul, just because you are a legendary Beatle and member of Wings doesn’t mean all your vintage tees will fly. Enough said.

InducTEES: The Paul McCartney World Tour 1989

Sting

If, for some reason, you stockpiled Sting’s 1980s solo schwag for investment purposes, you got stung. Sure, Sting had solo success and created a new fan base along the way; that’s because most Police fans bailed out and wouldn’t attend a Sting solo gig even if they were served with a warrant. After serving a 20+ year sentence in solitary confinement he realized it was time to get the band back together. If he busts them up again, hopefully he’ll exercise his right to remain silent.

InducTEES: Sting 1987 World Tour & Nothing Like The Sun 1988

Billy Joel

Billy Joel’s current situation is very similar to Elton John’s: both have a legendary early career and a loyal fan base that holds the heydays close to their hearts. It’s no coincidence that Billy and Elton toured together in the mid ’90s – they have the same pre-geriatric fans. Billy does have somewhat of a cooler rock reputation since he’s dated a few uptown girls and was a poster boy for rocker rehab. But the lame latter part of his career doesn’t have anyone jonesing for his vintage tees.

InducTEES: Storm Front Tour 1989

Check out the 10 Worst vintage rock t-shirts you actually MUST wear.

Jimmy J

Test

11 Comments

John K.

August 28, 2008 at 1:07 pm

Too funny!

I’ve passed up both Elton John & Sting tees several times in my many travels through California thrift stores.
I'd

August 28, 2008 at 7:16 pm

Yeah, the irony of the shirts’ value vs. singers’ talent is kind of a shame…

(With the exception of Sting, whose music after the Police is criminally awful!)
John K.

August 28, 2008 at 11:01 pm

…and some bands who will probably never be in the Rock-N-Roll Hall of Fame have some of the most valuable tees. (Slayer, Venom, Napalm Death)

Go figure.
Jimmy J

August 29, 2008 at 7:58 am

I think they’ll be pretty cautious with the hard stuff from here on in. They went in to unchartered territory with The Sex Pistols and got told to shove it up their ass – imagine what Slayer would do?
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Aaron

September 1, 2008 at 10:56 am

hahah! i actually have the elton john shirt up on ebay right now!… im a supporter and fan of awesomely bad vintage concert shirts…julian lennon anyone? 🙂
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Jimmy J

September 1, 2008 at 11:20 am

Ha – for some reason yours looks better though, I can’t figure out what it is?

http://cgi.ebay.com/Vintage-1982-ELTON-JOHN-Jump-Up-Concert-Tour-T-SHIRT_W0QQitemZ200250255452

Funny, I considered putting Julian Lennon on the list…you HAVE to have at least one really unpopular concert tee in any proper collection – mine’s a 1989 Ricky Van Shelton, I couldn’t even sell it for $1.
Aaron

September 6, 2008 at 5:11 pm

i had a Billy Joel River Of Dreams Parking lot Bootleg marked size medium that fit like a XXXXL that sold for $280 a few years ago… i assume the buyer was planning on wearing it as a stylish surgical gown for removing whatever brain tumor caused her to make such irrational decisions, but that doesn’t explain the runner-up bidders behavior either…
Shirts With Balls

September 17, 2008 at 7:16 pm

Yeah dude, those Paul McCartney and Billy Joel tees just don’t sell.

You should also mention the stupefying shirts commemorating the Elton John/Billy Joel tour where they’re basically rubbing noses. Are they both gay now?
-The Prof
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