8 Stereotypical Irish Tees to Make Your St Pats Drinking Pals Green With Envy

St. Patrick’s day is fast approaching and green is the uniform of choice during your faux-patriotic Irish pub crawl. But if you want a serious edge over the common folk, grab a true vintage t-shirt. Perhaps one that pays homage to the country’s many colorful stereotypes reinforced annually throughout the globe by a night of boozing debauchery.

But beware! In our society’s quest to attain 100% political correctness, there soon may come a day when assuming Ireland is inebriated will be in poor taste. Until such time, we had a little fun with all the ridiculous cliches. Enjoy.

And please drink responsibly.

(Said no Irish person ever.)

1. Shamrock Shortage

Up until recently shamrocks were plentiful in Ireland. But after the advent of the “Shamrock Shake” in 1970 McDonald’s began over-harvesting this botanical species. Sadly, today, it’s on the verge of extinction.

available at: Defunkd

2. Wet Your Whistle

You know how the Irish recommend pregnant women drink a pint daily to fortify themselves and their baby? Another nifty fact is that all choirs in Ireland practice in pubs because it loosens their vocal chords which enhances their ability to sing.

Side note: in Ireland a “choir” is defined as a gathering of intoxicated strangers with no formal singing training or intention of performing elsewhere.

available at: Defunkd

3. Irishmen and Intellect

I wasn’t sure what this saying on this tee meant until a Google search brought me to a forum that explained the saying this way:

It’s a pun on the meanings of tell.
You can always tell an Irishman, …
Here, tell means identify.

… but you can’t tell him much.
Here tell means inform, or teach.

The implication is that Irishmen are easily recognize, but they are stupid.

A wee bit harsh, laddie.

available at: Preserve Vintage

4 & 5. Irish Women

All Irish women are hot-heads. This fact baffled scientists for years until they finally discovered the pigment in red hair (which all Irishwomen have, of course) interferes with their emotions. Either that or they just get plain annoyed with their drunk-all-the-time husbands.

available at: Defunkd & Preserve Vintage

6. Pub / Inn Combo

All pubs in Ireland have small hotels attached, aka Inns. Why? It naturally evolved as a second stream of revenue – patrons are always way too drunk to get home safely. Or they just don’t want to go home because it isn’t safe – aka an angry red-headed wife with a sack of potatoes.

available at: Fatandyz

7. Irishman of the Year

This coveted award goes to any Irishman man who can go 15 minutes without drinking. But it’s also a death sentence. All Irishmen immediately go into severe withdrawal after only 5 minutes off the sauce and typically suffer a massive heart attack 10 minutes in.

available at: Black Market

8. Leprechaun Infestation

Just like the kangaroo in Australia – the leprechaun overpopulation in Ireland has become extremely problematic. Worse yet, they drink more than Irishmen.

available at: Black Market

Check out Defunkd’s entire selection of St. Patty themed Irish tees, or just grab yourself something green!